What is Multigenerational Living

 

Multigenerational households have been around for thousands of years.  This common practice can be found on every continent.  So where did it get started?  There are conflicting ideas as to which civilization or continent started this practice.  As a past sixth grade social studies teacher I was drawn to the ideas of Confucianism.  One of the key elements of this philosophy and belief system is “filial piety” or devotion to family.  They believe that the family is the building block to a strong society.  If you are devoted to your family than the society around it will be strengthened.  This idea is demonstrated by the oldest son taking responsibility for his aging parents financially as well as socially.  This often meant that the parents would move in with the son and his family.  The son was to ensure that his parents were well cared for.  From here it only seems natural that grandparents would be fully integrated into the young family.

While in Beijing in 2010 I witnessed this practice multiple times as we walked the streets of this large city and toured many of its historical sites.  One example still sticks out to me today.  While crossing the street we saw a grandmother holding an umbrella over her young grandson. We saw grandparents walking children to school, the park, the market or where their daily activities took them.  It was obvious that grandparents were and are an integral part of society.

Believe it or not, but multigenerational living was very common in the United States throughout the 19th century.  Of course this was before senior living facilities, nursing homes or long-term care facilities.  This was a time when families lived and worked the farm together.  This common practice lasted till the early 20th century.  Then the industrial revolution took hold, immigration increased, the population in the eastern United States exploded and the younger generation was in search of better economic opportunities.  They were no longer satisfied running the farm or taking over the family business. The family began to break apart physically.

By the 1980’s only 12% of American families lived multigenerational under one roof.  Why do I bring this up?  Well, how many families do you know have more than two generations under one roof?  I do not friends or family that are living in our similar situation or live in separate dwellings but on the same property.

Here is what is interesting.  According to the Pew Research Center multigenerational family living is growing among nearly all US racial groups, most age groups and both men and women.  The popularity of this lifestyle picked up after the Great Recession of 2007-2009.  In 2016 nearly 20% of Americans were living in multigenerational homes.  There was a bit of an increase during COVID as many families moved loved ones to reduce the threat of exposure.  

When Sean and I told people we were selling our home and moving in with our daughter and her family many people couldn’t believe we would give up our jobs, home and lifestyle to help raise grandbabies.  They couldn’t understand why we would want to go back to parenting.  We never saw it as “going back to parenting”.  I am not Cutie E's mom and Sean is not dad, we make that very clear.  We are Grammy and Pop’s and while we are their care takers during the day we are those grandparents that love to spoil them, no matter what time of day it is.  Mom and Dad get to make all the big decisions, take care of sick ones and witness all the firsts.

We had a few friends that were incredibly supportive.  One of our neighbors spent ten years living with a daughter and granddaughter.  I was so grateful for the experiences she shared with me and the joys of being part of her grand daughters every day.   Today they have a very special relationship that I hope to have someday as well.

There are so many joys that come with living with a child and her family.  It isn’t easy.  But our desire to have close family bonds with each of our children and their families is stronger than any lifestyle change that we need to make.  This new lifestyle allows us to spend more time with each of our children and that is worth every sacrifice. So, if you have an opportunity to live in a multigenerational home don’t laugh it off.  Take some time to really consider it.  Evaluate your goals as an empty nester. Could you live differently and accomplish those goals? Have lots of discussions with your spouse, the child you'll be living with and their family, and do not leave out your other children, this lifestyle impacts them as well. Each person you discuss this possibility with has a different perspective. Consider everything before changing everything.

Sean and I are still navigating this new lifestyle together. We love being with our daughter, her hubby and our grandson every day. Joy truly fills our hearts.